Thursday, 13 October 2016

A Letter To You

How do you describe someone who seems to literally have the power to take your breath away? Who amazes you so, that it leaves you speechless. Who can bring you to your knees, leave you shaking with tears, yet also bring you so much happiness that you think your heart might just explode.

With an endless array of words to chose from, I can’t settle for even just one. Not in English, not in German, not even in Chinese...

It’s frustrating to say the least. There are so many beautiful images in my mind, yet when I try to grasp at one, try to pull it closer, it -like sand- slips right through my fingers, slipping away back to that just-out-of-reach-place.

I’d like to do you justice, but I don’t know how. Where are the words that describe how much you’ve moved my world, how much you’ve turned it upside down, how much you’ve changed me as a person, how much you’ve helped me to grow?

When I’m with you, it’s like nothing bad could possibly happen. You’re like a shield, protecting me from all evil, like a soft cocoon surrounding me, keeping me safe and sound. When I’m not with you, I feel as vulnerable as a child, yearning for those strong arms to wrap themselves around me, providing me with warmth and shelter.

Knowing you is by far the best thing that has ever happened to me, I thank God for you. You light up my life like no-one else can. You bring joy, sweetness and laughter. The sound of your voice, the touch of your hands...

I don’t know when exactly I fell in love with you, but I know I did. Slow at first, then hard and fast. Occasionally, whenever I allow myself to reminisce about our time together, I keep trying to work out when exactly I fell for you, but I can’t. There isn’t just one moment, it’s all more of a blur of beautiful memories I’ll treasure forever.

You were there for me when my whole world came crashing down around me, shattering into a billion tiny pieces. You watched me go through my worst, yet you stayed, you even held on tight. You took my hand, gently pulling me back, guiding me towards the light, to a safe haven.

You are truly beautiful, inside and out. You’re always willing to help, no matter how tired you are. Whatever trivial thing troubles me, you’ll take a moment to give me some advice, finding one way or another to make me feel better.

I could stare into your eyes forever, listen to you go on and on about nothing and everything, watch you bustle along, hurriedly doing your thing. Just being near you like that is enough, no need for any special treats.

You have that exquisite ability to make me happy by just being you. With everything you do, you show me you care and it makes me love you even more. Just knowing that you’ll answer the phone when I need you to, that you’ll be there when things go haywire, that you’ll do your best to pull me through, is more than I could ever ask for.

Suddenly, it dawns on me, that those simple words might just be the right words for you and me. Words are after all only words. Your actions speak louder.

Thank you for being you, for loving me, protecting me and wanting only the best for me.

Sunday, 10 July 2016

Life 心里装着什么,就与什么结缘


What you adorn your heart with is what you form ties with.


We say we’re confused about the boundaries of life and life’s future, when actually it’s all rather simple, it’s all part of your choices, related to what’s in your heart. In a nutshell: The borders come with what the heart gives.


In life, if you plant a seed of deep hatred inside your heart, it will grow and once mature it will ruthlessly swallow your tolerance, your ability to be grateful, and any positivity. For no reason at all, you will find yourself in the darkness, using up your precious life.


If you plant jealousy, you will become scheming and greedy, unable to leave your narrow-minded thoughts behind. Wretched and selfish, you will find yourself stuck in your little circle of opinions, blaming everyone and anything, entrapping yourself, using up precious time.


If, in your heart, you blame others, then you stupidly, place others in the centre of your life, and repeatedly torment yourself.


If you place importance on position, money and property, you will spend your life valuing these three things, running about in a materialistic world.


As the importance of these things gradually increases, your desire to pursue even more, even better things, your inherent qualities will gradually lessen, until they disappear. When you find yourself reaching the limit, you cannot help but continue to live a mediocre, empty-handed life.


On the other hand, if you place importance on being kind and honest, tolerant, sincere and grateful, you fill discover that your life is truly full of sunshine.


If you persevere, you will break away from the boundaries and discover that life is truly this wonderful. When you meet troubles, you will take a moment to reflect on your own short-comings and try to improve them. The negativity of others will not impact you to the degree that you find your chest heavily burdened, ready to collapse.


If you let a little bit of everything inside your heart, you find yourself at the centre of the universe. All the rights and wrongs, the struggles, love, position and wealth, honour and disgrace, everything… Placed before you, all these things become trifling matters, to be blinked away, relieved with a smile.

Friday, 10 June 2016

I Got A Tattoo!!!

Post-Tattoo Happiness

There is something incredibly attractive and sexy about a well-placed tattoo, there is absolutely no doubt about it.

I can honestly say I've always wanted a tattoo. I thought about designs for years, looked at pictures and even considered asking one of my friends to design me a tattoo, just for me. But during all that time dreaming about my very own tattoo I never actually dared to go to a tattoo studio. I was always too scared, too worried, too unsure. Until now that is!

I finally bit the bullet, faced my inexplicable fear and went for it. After all, we live only once and it's always better to live your dreams than to dream your life away.

What with my burn in 2014 and some other unpleasant and painful memories, I wanted to give myself a new start with something I'd never done before, something I'd never dared to do... I wanted to leave a mark, to leave a visible reminder of how much I've changed in the last four years, how different a person I've become, of just how much change I'm capable.

My friend just opened her very own nail art and beauty salon nearby and one of the girls there, Xiao Kai, is a tattoo artist. Just my luck, since finding a good tattoo studio and artist can be tricky in China, even more so than in Western countries. Though I've heard of a few foreigners who have got tattoos in China none of them are my friends, so I didn't have anyone to turn to for a advice and I'm not a fan of asking random strangers.

A few days ago I saw one of Xiao Kai's designs, a simple star, on her forearm near her wrist, she did herself. I was charmed by it and asked to see some designs. I fell in love with one particular design minutes after she sent me some photos and my mind was made up, this time I wasn't gonna chicken out. I bravely made an appointment and stuck to it too.

On the way over I was just a little bit nervous but the butterflies soon calmed down and with my heart set on that one particular design, I asked Xiao Kai to get to work. She helped me to find the perfect spot for my tattoo and after a few photos, I made a decision. Xiao Kai put on her face mask and sterile gloves, cleaned the skin, disinfected it and gently spread a topical anaesthetic gel on the spot we'd chosen for my tattoo.

While we waited for the anaesthetic to kick in we chatted, drank some water and laughed, then Xiao Kai got started. She was professional, concentrated and while I listened to music and half-dozed in the chair, she produced a little masterpiece. At the beginning I didn't feel much, then as the anaesthetic began to wear off I started to feel a light prickling but the gentle buzzing of the tattoo machine and some good music had me in a relaxed trance, so I bit my lips once or twice, grumbled a little and then Xiao Kai was finished. She cleaned everything, then took a picture of her artwork for me to admire.

It was love at first sight! I picked the perfect spot. I can somewhat see my tattoo when I look in the mirror and twist and I can see all of it when I use two mirrors but other than that I just know it's there, I know others can see it and that's good enough for me. I wouldn't want to see it every day.

If you haven't seen my Instagram, you're probably wondering what design I chose, so I'm going to finally reveal it:

The finished work of art!

I decided to go with a rose, my favourite flower, but that's not the only reason. I believe I'm very much like a rose, I have some thorns and if you don't treat me right you will end up pricking yourself, but if you look closer I'm just as soft as the blossoms of a rose, and my passion is as fierce as roses are red. I have passion, I've a fire burning in my heart that might have been almost extinguished at some point but a spark has always been there. I've experienced the pain of tightly embracing a bouquet of roses and despite the bouquets beauty and the delightful scent, I ended up hurt. This tattoo is to remind me that pain doesn't last forever, that a scar is beautiful, that love pricks but is magical too and that I'm no longer who I once was. I'm a strong woman and I won't be put down!

Happiness is Bliss.