China, I miss you!

A happy go lucky sakura girl in Dublin's Stephen's Green Park.

It's been a bit over two months since I've come back from my epic China adventure over the Chinese New Year and since I have come back every day pretty much sucked a bit more than the day before.

I've had some good days but if I am perfectly honest, I forced myself a great deal to make those days qualify as "good days". My friends have been nothing but accommodating, offering me a listening ear, dinner dates, afternoons out, a couch to sleep on or drinks and dancing. I enjoyed all those "good days" but they only took the edge of how miserable I actually feel inside. To be quite honest, I would like to curl up in bed with the little panda bear my fish gave me for my birthday last year, and tell the world to just fuck off. Oh and I'd like a truckload of tissues to keep me going while I cry.

I've been seriously depressed since I've come back from China. Saying goodbye to my fish did not go down well and all the other shit that the year of the snake was so adamant to throw at me with all its might. Work troubles, family troubles, arguments with my fish and just in general big black holes of uncertainty. I've never craved dumplings as much as I did these last two months. My friends have stopped asking me how I am, they now ask if I want to eat dumplings.

At this stage I've probably shed enough tears to add another ocean to our planet, or at least that's what it feels like.

I thought spring and the somewhat warmer weather would make me feel better but the influence of the pretty pink spring blossoms all around me, the sunshine and the chance to sip a cup of hot tea outside while jabbering away on the phone without the risk of frost bites and pneumonia - it all lasts only minutes and then I am back to feeling miserable and empty. I feel lost without my fish and my second family in a country where I barely manage I follow 50% of an ordinary conversation (or so it feels like) and where I perpetually feel lost about everything. Accompanying my mother in law and my boyfriend to the supermarket gave me a headache because I had no clue what half of the stuff was. I even pointed at a barrel full of loose rice grains and asked my fish what that was. I felt so stupid when I looked at the sign after he pointed at it.

Posing between two fish at Wuhan Happy Valley.

A fish, right where he belongs.

Half of the time I don't even understand how I feel so utterly comfortable in a country where I can't even take the train without help or perpetually need to keep my Pleco dictionary open to make myself understood. I guess home really is where the heart is.

Waiting for some hot bubble tea.

The fish's and my relationship has hit an all-time low. We've been arguing so much over the last few weeks, it's not even funny. Compared to the quarrels we have, like any other couple, when we're actually together, this new side of us is heart-breaking, mental and a big contribution to my present depression. I hate arguing, I hate conflicts, each time my fish and I quarrelled while I was in China, I tried everything to make it up to him afterwards, whether it was my mistake or not. I'm the kind of silly day-dreaming girl who likes to lie in her boyfriend's arms, watch some television and enjoy the warmth and protectiveness that being around my fish gives me. Instead we have been exchanging hateful words, no words at all or words that ended in tears on my part and him not answering his phone on his part. I don't even know how to define our relationship at the moment but it makes me cry. I'm hurting and I know he is too even if the idiot is pretending to be a brave fool by not showing it.

This is what cute is. Looking at this picture, at those eyes, it makes my heart melt. I'd give him the world if he asked me to, that look I cannot resist.

I always knew that this long-distance relationship wasn't going to be a piece of cake, that it would probably be the toughest challenge I've ever taken on on my life. We miraculously managed more than seven tough months apart and I have no idea how we managed that. My only guess is that we focused on being in love more than being apart and we never ever allowed ourselves to mistrust the other. I still explicitly trust my fish. If I didn't, I may as well just go right ahead and kiss this relationship goodbye just about now. Don't get me wrong, I'm dead jealous. I'm not the "Where have you been and with whom and why didn't you call me at eight to say you'd be five minutes late?" kind of jealous but I am jealous. Before I knew that nearly all of my fish's cousins are female I was regularly seething with jealousy whenever I saw him talk to a woman on Weibo. My fish laughed so much when I first told him. By that time I had already found out that I'd been jealous of his cousins but a girl can't help herself. The fish is my man and the idea that someone else can be next to him when I can't eats me up inside.

My man. I can still feel his hand on my waist when I look at that picture.

When I came back from China at the end of February I realised pretty quickly that since my fish and I already successfully managed to be apart for a long time, the next challenge for us wouldn't be to go through the same thing again. No, this time we're actually fighting for our relationship. I spent most of March sick with jet-lag and regular stomach cramps from missing my fish (alongside other real life worries) so, despite knowing that we would have some tough challenges ahead, I chose to hide in a bubble of blissful ignorance. So what? We were apart again. Piece of cake, I thought. We did it before, we can do it again. But instead, I let all my frustration about not being in China with my fish eat me up inside and eventually I lashed out and my fish got the full brunt of it. He wasn't entirely innocent and triggered some of my rage but he probably got more than he deserved.

Needless to say, he did not appreciate it nor did I appreciate my inability to be a little bit wiser and grown up about it all. But I'm not perfect and when he didn't understand my frustration (or refused to share his own to add to my frustration which made perfect sense but I just couldn't see that sense) I continued to lash out, like a mad woman possessed. I hate that we had our first big argument with both of us being a million miles apart. Whenever we bickered while I was in China we could at least make it up to each other. I had the 3D version right in front of me and I could drag him to another room, snog him senseless and apologise for my own stupidity and criticise him for his lack of understanding. Making up is much easier when you're in the same country, same city, same apartment. When there is a million miles between you and your loved one it feels like you've never really made up, like all the frustration never really went away. I'm sick to death about looking at pictures of my fish or re-watching the silly little video clips I shot of him while in China.

I miss you, baby.

I miss the most blatant things. I miss watching my boyfriend play Mahjong even though I haven't managed to get the hang of the game. I know how to play it but I can't quite grasp the finer points of the games' logic. While I was in China I regularly fell asleep watching my boyfriend play Mahjong. I couldn't stand it, I got annoyed when he spent an entire afternoon playing Mahjong, while I just sat there, watching, playing with my phone. Now I want nothing more than to sit next to him and watch him play, cheering him on whenever he wins. I want to ask stupid questions and drive him crazy about rearranging the tiles because I can't stand it when they're not in order. Upside down is the worst, it drives me mental, followed by crooked.

I want him to pick a piece of fish meat out of a big bowl in the centre of a big table at a big restaurant and give it to me after only after checking that there are no bones in it. I want to walk - hand in hand - to the restaurant, which is only two blocks away from my fish's house and where every waiter and every waitress wears a track suit because the restaurant has a weird sports theme. If you ask me, if I was the boss, my waitresses would be wearing hot, white tennis uniforms and the waiters would be dressed in basketball tricots. At least that's hot but not as degrading as that Chinese restaurant that forced its waitresses to wear bikinis to work.

Did I mention that I miss you?

I miss the most blatant things about being together, I don't even want anything special. I'd be happy to just sit on the couch next to my fish, close enough to take his hand should I want to. Or if I could make a special request I'd like to walk down Shanghai's Bund with him, just the two of us, together, him laughing about me complaining about all the Chinese who are looking at us and me pointing them all out and proving him right until he shuts up and admits that his wife is right and he is wrong, like any good husband should (within reason!).

I miss my fish a little more everyday. It's become ridiculously hard. I wake up having nightmares of me having accidents and not remembering who the fish is which leave me feeling cold and alone with a funny portion of weird in the pit of my stomach. Other times I am forced to watch how someone shoots him down and then adds the rest of my adopted family and my family to his crazy manhunt. It's only dreams but they stick and I wish they would just go away. I have had it with this long distance stuff, with this not being together, with the arguments and whatnot.

I'm heading home to Germany in a few days and it's driving me crazy that I have to go there without my fish. This past year I thought that the next time I go home I would be going home with him in tow, now it's once again only me. I can't bear it!

Yes, he really is that cute. Always.

If you didn't know, I quit my job last week and I am taking a month long sabbatical to focus on making some time for my family and on making my dreams come true. I am tired of my dreams being just a bunch of dreams and since I got, what could well be the opportunity of a lifetime for me, at the beginning of April (I will disclose more when the time is right), I have decided that it is time for me to go full steam ahead and do what I believe is right for me.

Apart from missing my fish so badly that it's driven me to the edges of hell, I also miss his family. I miss his mum, his dad and everyone else. All the uncles and aunts and cousins and the nephew and nieces. Chinese New Year was mental and crazy and exhausting and I feel like the only time we were ever alone was at night, in bed, but I miss the buzz of it, I just miss having such a big family. I miss the food, the simplicity of life in Tianmen, the great street food I got to snack on, the laughter, all the mishaps I made, all the silly questions I asked and all the jokes we shared. Heck, I even miss being sick. I miss giving out to my fish for speaking the local Tianmen dialect, leaving me to understand nothing.

I caught on eventually, but my understanding of the dialect isn't great. After my initial frustration I actually having loads of fun guessing. Funnily enough it was my mother in law who I understood first. She generally speaks Mandarin with me but occasionally she would forget and just speak Tianmen dialect when asking me something or telling me something. I don't know why but most of the time I understood what she wanted me to do and it gave me a fuzzy and warm feeling. (It's right up there with the feeling I had when I walked into the kitchen to boil some water and found my mum making dinner. I was nosey and when she put her hand on my arm and told me that no matter what I want to eat, she'd make it for me, I wanted to cry. For me, that meant more to me than her telling me that she loves me or that I'm like a daughter to her.) After that, every time we went to visit some of mum's or dad's friends I would proudly tell everyone that I understand my mum's dialect but that I can't understand my husband which was always met with much laughter.

My family.

I miss feeling foolish for not understanding, I miss feeling lost or clueless and I miss falling for my family's little jokes and my fish's mean little tricks. There are too many things I am missing and too little things I have to balance it all out. The problem with having met all of my fish's family is that I'm now not only head over heels in love with my fish but also with my fish's entire family. That means that not only am I without my partner but I am also without my family. I have been living in Ireland for eight years, it's not like I have no experience of how to live without my family and be independent but this just isn't the same. This is a whole different level, a level I cannot deal with let alone comprehend.

I don't think my fish even remotely understands how I feel about his family and how much they all mean to me. I am sure one day they will drive me crazy or we will have some stupid, upsetting little disagreement but isn't that what happens in the best of families? Isn't being able to withstand all that the true meaning of the world "family"? These people and I don't share the same blood but I feel they are my family just the same. They have the same place in my heart as my dad does or anyone else in my family. It was so easy to fall in like with them when the fish told me about his family and when I met them all I just fell in love. I instantly clicked with one of his cousins and you could have sworn we've known each other all our lives. Another cousin is an English Teacher and she loves 王力宏. If it wasn't fate for the two of us to become friends, family, well then I don't know.

I'm tired of being without my family. Germany doesn't feel like home. I miss my family and friends over there like crazy but I miss my life in China more, that's the future I want, that's where I want to be, learning Mandarin Chinese and at some point I will hopefully outdo my fish with my Mandarin skills - don't laugh, a girl can dream. Dreams are the best thing this world has, as long as you pursue them and don't just watch them float by. With the right determination, nothing is impossible.

I fear my fish and I don't have an easy ride ahead of us but I sincerely hope we can make it. I firmly believe we have been given an amazing opportunity and to let that slip would be an epic failure from both of us. This is the fierce believe my fish instilled in me when we first started dating and I have made this believe part of my own personal bible ever since. Giving up is for those who don't have the heart to try. I felt like giving up and throwing my dreams away a good few times before but I never had the heart to do so. When your heart truly wants something, giving up is the last option, no matter how painful the journey to your own personal success may be, how many tears of frustration you cry along the way, how much you swear and promise you'll never use all of our energy and effort to focus on one goal and one goal only - getting your dreams.

When I graduated, we had a very simple graduation slogan. I don't remember who came up with it, and I think I was probably one of the few who really cared about it, but I have never been able to forget it: Live your dreams, but don't dream your life away. On top of that we sang R. Kelly's "The World's Greatest", that was our graduation song. To a young mind that slogan and the powerful lyrics of the song are truly impressive and they made me believe that I need to pursue what I want if I really want it. It's not just going to magically end up at my doorstep. I need to stick it out and see things through. I need to bit my time and when the moment is right I will get what I want.

I have been trying my best to apply this to my relationship but it's proven to be so much harder. All the things I've said here, if I was to say them in Mandarin, I probably could but it would take me a long time and a lot more words than a native speaker would need. In my mind I would be convinced that what I'm saying is what I mean to say when in reality I may be miles off course. It's a struggle to pour out your heart in a language you've only been learning for a little more than two years but I think I got pretty apt at it. More or less anyway. It's my language of love. I associate warmth, trust and all sorts of emotions with it. Mind you, I can keep up in an argument but since I am not a fan of arguments, that's not a positive point to make.

I told you he is always that cute, even if he doesn't want his picture taken.

My fish and I are miles away from winning our battle but I believe that we will because I know my heart will wither if we don't. I don't even want to contemplate that outcome but it's tough and I'm sure I've long since run out of energy. But I have an iron willpower so I'm not going to question where my energy is coming from. I never knew I had that much power inside of me but clearly even I manage to surprise myself on the odd occasion.

On a final note, writing truly soothes the soul, body, heart and mind. I was so utterly miserable and heartbroken when I started this post but now I have gained a little bit of my composure back. Mind you, it isn't much and these days I am always only an inch away from crumbling. But even if I crumble I still have a choice. I can stay down and weep pitifully or I can weep and then get back on my feet and show the world, my world and the people in it, that I ain't going down (as Shania Twain once sang).

When the words won't come...

I haven't had the energy to even think about putting together a blog post and I still don't. I have also not been in the mood to sit down and write. At the moment I struggle to stay awake past 10pm and most of the time I don't even try to resist the urge to sleep. When I wake up in the morning I am still tired and by the time 5pm comes around and I am officially off work all I want to do is sleep.

I have a dozen of stories in my head which I want to share, but I can't find the right words to get me started. My mind is like a blank page of paper. When I try to fill it the lights go out and I sit in the darkness with no idea how to find the light switch.

Since I came back from China my life has been nothing short of a roller coaster with far too many downs and only a few ups. I have nothing to say. Everything I want to say can't be said because it's only a bunch of half-truths and unfinished business. I don't have the energy or the strength to try and make sense of what's happening, what might happen, what might not happen and what will happen. I need to deal with things and work everything out first before I can even begin to try and put any of that down on paper.

There's nothing interesting about my life, nothing to see, nothing to tell. I don't have any stories or words. I tweet to distract myself or read the news. Most of my free time is spend on my iPad playing mindless games or watching TV series on YouTube. Occasionally I will talk to close friends or meet a friend. Other than that I've also been focusing on my Mandarin studies. I haven't been learning as such but I am reading a lot and brushing up on my characters. I try to get on top of my grammar and I have plenty of mock exams of the HSK Level 4 exam on the table in front of me but just one look at it turns my stomach. I don't have the energy to concentrate on the exam, let alone the preparation it requires.

I find myself thinking that I shouldn't be so cryptic on my blog and just come right out and say it but I don't want share anything, I can't share anything. I'm not strictly keeping things to myself because there are people who know what's going in but that's about as far as I am willing to go. So for the time being I must continue to be cryptic and leave things unexplained. Some things just need to be left unsaid. At the moment I am more than happy to take a back seat and give others a voice. I want to share the things that are happening to my friends and things that are going on in the world. I don't want to indulge in anything, I don't even want to open my mouth.

This lady here is tired, very, very tired. In fact, I have never felt so tired in my entire life. I am all kinds of exhausted. Everything is a tremendous effort. I can just about manage my household chores, work, making food. But these are necessities. I have to keep on top of them. Everything else? I've put it in a box for now. One day soon when I am feeling less exhausted I will open that box and take a good look at what needs to be done.

For now I want to ignore birthdays, important events or anything that requires the use of my brain really. When one feels as exhausted as I am now, that's only fair. I want to look at pretty pictures, dream about taking a ride on the Star Ferry in Hong Kong, or just sleep, sleep and sleep some more.

It has taken me a month to get over my China jetlag. I had none when I got there but when I got back I was a wreck. These days sleep somewhat soundly although I still don't seem to get enough sleep. I'd like a full week of just sleeping, and that's the bare minimum. A month would be even better.

You know what? This is a depressing blog post. I don't like it when the cheery, sarcastic me isn't around to share hilarious stories about my fish, or go on and on and on about Mr 王力宏. That side of me is temporarily on holiday, her writing is on hiatus. Instead, all I have for you is a miserable post that doesn't actually say anything, give anything away or mean anything. There is only one thing that this blog post tells me and that is that I'm not suffering from writer's block. On the contrary, it seems that if I do sit down to write the words just keep pouring out of me...

For now I am only sharing those words I am happy to share, everything else needs to wait. I feel like I've said that a million times too. It seems when you have nothing to share but mindless chatter you develop a knack for repeating yourself.

I better stop before the repetition gets too much or this blog post turns into a miserable diary entry of a woman in her mid-twenties who should really know better than to write whiny teenager-like entries of this sort.

At least you now know that I am alive, just not 100% in top from. I need to find about 95.9% and once I have recharged my batteries I will let cheery, chatty and sarcastic Selly back out of her cage. For now gloomy, silent and exhausted Selly holds the reigns.

I am sure a better day will come soon and I will look back over this blog post and wonder what the hell I was thinking writing such boring and mindless nonsense on my blog and publishing it too.

I'd love to say that you can all shower me with chocolate and cookies and coffee but I am actually on a strict diet...or should I say I have drastically changed the way I eat? I have lost 15kg since February and I am determined to keep going. It's getting somewhat tougher now but my initial success is what keeps me going. I am having a whole bunch of fun with this. I haven't set myself a goal or a weekly target - I have enough of that shit in work - I just take each day as it comes and keep checking my weight on the scales ever so often. Whenever it's going down, I am happy. There is no better inspiration than a cooperating scale. Oh and before you ask, I don't have a secret, I am not starving myself and I am not living in slimming drinks or counting Weight Watcher's points.

Thanks for lending me a listening ear to vent my frustration. While I haven't told you anything at all, writing this post has made me feel a whole lot better. So thank you!

Until the next time!

A Trip To A Chinese Hospital

When you're on holiday - somewhere half-way across the globe, for the fun of it, let's say your holiday destination is China - the last thing you want to do is get sick, be sick or think about getting sick/being sick. I mean you buy the obligatory painkillers and nausea medication and whatnot, you get your vaccines and carry around all sorts of other things just in case you do end up needing them but you fervently hope that you don't.

That's me. I don't tend to travel with an entire pharmacy in my suitcase but I generally have all the important bits and pieces with me. At least I think I do.

When I flew to China in February, I packed everything I thought I might need and left the rest up to chance. Well, not exactly. I was confident enough that whatever else might happen, my fiancé would be able to handle the problem. I trust him to look after me when I need him to and he does, no questions asked.

Never once did I however expect that I may end up in a Chinese hospital. We have two doctor's in our family and by our family I mean my fish's family. I hadn't planned to visit either of them at their workplace but as it happened one of them actually ended up bringing me into the hospital...but let's start this tale at the beginning...

I don't look all that sick, do I?

First things first though. In this post I'm not going to tell you the ins and outs of navigating a Chinese hospital. I'm not even going to tell you how to register or pay or how to see a doctor. I'm also not going to tell you how much seeing a doctor in a small town somewhere in Hubei province costs.

Why?

It's not that I don't want to share that information. I would if I had that information but alas I don't. I'm totally clueless. If you have ever been to a Chinese hospital you probably know more than me.

What I will however share with you is the fact that having a doctor (or two) in the family is awesome and that Chinese guanxi are a marvelous thing to have. If you have Chinese guanxi, treasure them with all our heart and then some. One day you may need them more than anything and that one day may come sooner than you think, usually when you least expected it. I'm also going to share some facts about Chinese medicine with you, well, not professional facts, just my own opinion really.

So, like I said, I got sick in China. Not a big deal really but catching a cold while on holiday wasn't something I'd planned for.

Sorry if I just ruined your wild dreams. I was not rushed into the hospital by ambulance and I did not have to be resuscitated. No mad stuff.

Normally I don't go to see a doctor when I have a cold, unless I am so miserable that I cannot stand the thought of going to work and really need some time in bed to sleep off whatever bug I may have caught. That's pretty much how I felt from one day to the next while my fiancé and I were in Tianmen (about an hour's drive from Wuhan, Hubei) with all the family, preparing for Chinese New Year.

The evening before I felt a little tired so when we returned to our hotel room after a fun day out shopping and playing football I spent the evening on the bed, cuddled up to my handsome fish. Nothing out of the ordinary. He was watching television  I was trying to pay attention but was fighting sleep. I was also cold, really cold. No hug and no blanket could warm me up. Eventually my fiancé cranked the air conditioning up to about 30 degrees and I stopped shivering and clattering my teeth.

To be honest, I didn't feel like I was getting sick. I was just tired and had a sore head. After a long day out that's hardly anything out of the ordinary. I was therefore quite surprised when I woke up the next morning to find that I had no energy whatsoever. My nose was running, my head was pounding, my muscles were doing their best to resist any movement whatsoever and my voice was on strike. My throat felt like it was covered by razor-blades... I don't really have to tell you how miserable one feels when one is full of a cold. We've all had one before and it's no fun.

I have no idea how I managed to out of bed and have a shower, let alone get dressed. I certainly didn't feel like I had the energy for either. The 100 metres from the hotel to my mother-in-law's house took forever and I felt as lightheaded as could be. It didn't help that there was a fine dusting of ice on the ground and my fiancé had to take baby-steps because I didn't have the energy to walk by myself. I also have no idea how I walked up two flights of stairs. All I know is that once we got into my parents-in-law's living room, I slumped down on the couch and pretty much dozed off.

My fiancé kindly informed his parents that I was sick and I two minutes later his mum served me a hot bowl of chicken soup. I tried to eat it but the razorblades in my throat didn't let me so my fiancé's dad went to the pharmacy to buy some cold medicine.

In the meantime my fiancé's mum found some medicine to soothe my throat and prepared some hot water with brown rock sugar and ginger (the best medicine when you have a cold!). I sipped it slowly, shivering the whole time, until my fiancé's dad returned with the medicine. I dutifully swallowed the pill I was handed and dozed off, too tired and too sore to care about anything else.

I think you get the picture, yes? I was miserable, I was in pain, I was tired and cranky and not at all happy.

My fish stuck around, making sure I was comfortable and about half an hour later my mother-in-law's brother's wife (that's a mouthful I know, I just call her 舅妈 jiuma) arrived to check on me. She's one of the two doctor's we have in the family and one of my two favourite aunts. I mean I love them all, but she's one of my favourites. She looks about 25, is really petite and cute. She's really sweet and caring, a darling. A bit like my big sister.

舅妈 checked that I was okay and then gently insisted we go to the hospital for an IV with some fluid and medication to pep me up. The thought of a needle didn't excite me a lot so I refused and went to sleep, or at least tried to. It's kind of difficult to sleep when you need to blow your nose every two minutes. My mother-in-law chirped in and insisted that we go and told me that 舅妈 would take good care of me. I still refused. When you have asthma and you've had to endure having oxygen-rich blood drawn from a small artery in your wrist (more than once!) you'd be opposed to yet another needle too. I've also had to endure hell some of the times I got my blood drawn in Ireland so I'm really not that fond of needles.

The fish feebly tried to convince me to go but didn't push the matter when I refused. He only started sulking when I almost fainted on my way to the dinning room to join everyone else for lunch. Not that I was very hungry...

"I really think you should go to the hospital with 舅妈." He insisted. I glared and mumbled something about hating needles. The rest was drowned by me blowing my nose. I went back to the living room and my mother-in-law and my 舅妈 pestered me some more about going to the hospital while my fish continued to sulk. He could have just told me that I'm an idiot, that would have worked too. Or insisted that we go to the hospital, I wouldn't have put up a fight. I wouldn't even have complained had he dragged me to the car.

I managed to resist my caring fiancé, mother-in-law and my 舅妈 a while longer. I was convinced that the Chinese medicine my father-in-law had bought was sufficient enough. Let me tell you, that medicine is awesome indeed. We don't have that kind of cold medicine in this part of the world and I don't get why. This stuff really works and I'm never ever going back to eating shitty painkillers and hoping it will make me feel better. That stuff brought my fever down a little, cleared my head, unblocked my nose somewhat and eased my sore throat.

I don't really have to tell you, but the worst part about having a cold is that you literally have zero energy. Even lifting a tea cup seems to cumbersome. I got sick of that feeling pretty soon and after napping a little bit, I went off to find my fiancé who'd left the room to have a smoke. He was about to put the cigarette out when I found him and snuggling up to him, I mumbled something about having changed my mind. "I want to go to the hospital after all." I said and within minutes everyone was ready to go. I clung to my fish like a whiny child asking time and time again whether everyone would be allowed to stay with me or whether I'd be alone.

"Why do you think we're all coming with you? Certainly not to leave you alone!" The fish replied and I felt a bit silly. I mean I didn't know anything about Chinese hospitals and the places relatives were allowed to go to or not allowed to go to. I didn't have the energy to explain that though and just napped while my fish navigated afternoon traffic on the way to the hospital. We got there in no time and I freaked a bit when we walked in and I saw the amount of people there. I thought we'd have to wait for hours but instead I was comfortably seated in my 舅妈's office ten minutes later. My mother-in-law made sure I had enough tissues, my fish made sure I had enough hot water to drink and my cousin was sitting beside me telling me not to worry while my 舅妈 sorted all the admin stuff.

Some half an hour later she whisked me off to get my IV and I panicked. There were tons of people there and I really didn't have the energy to endure everyone staring at that sick foreigner getting medical treatment in small town China. 舅妈 found a nurse, responsible for setting up the IVs, and the fish kindly shielded me from prying eyes. Two minutes later the needle was in and I can honestly say I didn't feel a thing. That nurse was bloody efficient but I guess if you spend your entire working day setting up IVs you are perfect at what you're doing.

Instead of having to sit down where everyone else was sitting, my fish (who had taken charge of the IV bag) frog-marched me back to 舅妈's office and everyone made sure I was comfortably seated with the radiator on and a hand warmer on the IV cord to make sure the fluid didn't feel too cold. My fish offered his shoulder when I wanted to nap a bit and 舅妈 made sure I wasn't getting dizzy or tired. It took over an hour for the IV (I've no idea what was in it though and I don't care. Whatever was in it worked a treat!) to run through and that was the longest I'd spend upright that day. Everyone entertained me to the best of their abilities and when somebody else barged in, demanding to see a doctor my fish shooed them out. My 舅妈 wasn't actually working on that day, she'd agreed to come into the hospital especially for me, to take care of me.

Like I said earlier, if you have guanxi in China, your life is much easier and a little less painful. I'm glad my 舅妈 is a doctor and she agreed to come to my rescue when I felt beyond crap. I'm also glad I had my family with me to keep me company and that everyone was so genuinely concerned about my well-being that they bend over backwards to make me feel better (though I did tell my fish that he needs to be a bit more forceful when he wants me to do something I might not want to do but that's actually really good for me). When you have a family like that, there's nothing else you need or want, except maybe a slice of Tianmen Pizza.

Tianmen Pizza, the best street food in Hubei!

When you're full of cold, have no appetite and have pretty much eaten nothing all day some Tianmen Pizza is the best thing ever. Especially when you're allowed to eat it in your boyfriend's car because you're very hungry and very sick and your boyfriend doesn't have the heart to say no to you.

I'm a very lucky girl indeed. I have a fantastic family-in-law and a fantastic fish who all made being sick a piece of cake. Everyone took care of me in the best possible way and made sure I was getting better. I didn't have to worry about medicine, food or drink, not even a blanket. When you're on your own being sick sucks but when you've family around you who are willing to take care of you and make sure you're okay, well let's just say that's also a kind of medicine. It's actually the best medicine by far.

So thanks to my fish and my family it only took a couple of days until I was back to my old, smiley, happy self.

Healthy and happy!

I'm Engaged!

我要你做我的妻子.
I want to make you my wife.

I stared at the words, reading them over and over again, silently wondering whether I was in the middle of a dream or whether this was really happening. We'd just been messing around, mainly telling each other how much we missed each other and I was fighting a growing irresistible urge to tell him to come to Beijing. But I couldn't do that, he was up to his ears in work, I couldn't possibly expect him to drop everything for me. He would have done so but I just didn't have the courage to make such a bold request. A faint smile spread across my lips. It turned into a full-on grin in a matter of seconds. My fingers caressed my laptop's well-worn keyboard and I tapped out a quick reply. A reply I wasn't even sure was suitable, but I couldn't think of anything better to say.

问我吧!
Ask me.

It almost felt too good to be true. To know that he was that certain about me, about us, just affirmed that I'd definitely fallen for the right man. Like they say, (in fairy tales?), if you know, you know. But boy did I know. From the moment we started talking to each other, to the first time we met and the first time we kissed. I just knew. I knew he was it, the one. The one I'd been waiting for, the one I was so sure I'd never find. My soul mate. "It's true then," I mumbled, "they do exist".

Lost in my own world, I hadn't realised that a couple minutes had passed since I'd replied to his message. I was just about to start worrying that I'd replied the wrong thing since he hadn't said anything, when the ringing of the phone startled me. I glanced at my computer's clock and wondered who on earth had the need to reach me in my hotel room somewhere in Beijing, China. There weren't many people who knew where I was.

"Probably the hotel staff," I told myself and getting up, I walked over to the bed and answered the phone. "Yes?" I really wanted to answer in Mandarin but English got the better of me.

小南瓜?
Pumpkin?

恩，是我.
Yes.

Silence.

小鱼?
Fish? 

I wondered why he had suddenly decided to call me when he clearly didn't know what he wanted to say. A few seconds later (although it felt like a few minutes to me), he relented.

小南瓜，亲爱的，嫁给我吧.
Sweetheart, marry me.

The words were soft, barely louder than a whisper but it felt like he'd shouted them right into my ear.

Engaged.

The above is an excerpt of a conversation the fish and I had many months ago. You could say that the fish and I have been engaged ever since he asked me to marry him for the first time. Or any other time after that, where he asked me to marry him or I asked him to marry me. And believe me there have been many occasions where we asked each other.

Every time he calls me his wife (老婆), I melt. I call my fish 老公 more often than I call him 小鱼. It just feels right and in my heart, that's what he is, that's what he was from day one. We haven't signed the papers yet, but I don't need any papers to tell me that this man is and will always be my husband. He was never an ordinary boyfriend (or an ordinary friend for that matter, before we made things official and sealed them with a kiss). I'd fell in like with him before I even met him and was in love from the first time I laid my eyes on him. I can't even explain it, I just knew he was it.

Call it cliché, call it a cheesy romcom, call it whatever you want, but I can't lie about the way I feel about the one man who turned my world up-side-down without asking for my permission. And boy am I glad that he didn't ask because I've enjoyed every minute of it all.

The news that I'm engaged isn't a big surprise to most of my friends or my family. They've all known about it for months. Between the fish and me marriage was always on the cards and if you've been following my blog posts and/or Twitter posts, you probably gathered as much. I didn't exactly try very hard to conceal the fact and on the one or other occasion I may have let the one or other hint slip.

Nevertheless, the fish (a.k.a. hubby) and I have made things official. Not only have I been introduced to every family member in the fish's family, no, we also went all out and made things official with a ring.

While in Shanghai, the fish and I went ring shopping and we chose the ring together, or should I say: "I chose the ring and the fish chose to pay for said ring"?

I'd actually thought my fish had already picked a ring but he listed a number of reasons as to why he hadn't.

How should I know what you like? I just can't walk into a jewellery shop and buy any which ring I like and expect you to wear it for the rest of your life! What do I do if you don't like it?

I smiled and sipped on my overly sweet Wulong Soya Tea (a mixture I'll by the way never ever try again) and continued to listen to all the other reasons as to why the fish hadn't bought a ring yet. Among these were that his work had been keeping him busy and he didn't have time to focus on picking out a lovely ring to give to me, etc, etc, etc, yadda, yadda, yadda. He was also very adamant that he wasn't sure about which size to buy and he simply was having none of it when I suggested that the ring could easily be taken in/readjusted. "That's bad luck!" he exclaimed, outraged by the mere suggestion. One could have thought I'd just suggested something really off the charts. "You can't change the size of an engagement ring after you give it as a present, that's thoughtless!"

"We're going ring shopping then?" I asked outright with as much cheek as I could muster, once the fish had finished with all his reasons.

"Yes, yes, yes." The fish nodded and I grinned. The prospect of hitting rows upon rows of jewellers to look at rings felt more than just a little exciting. You see, my big sister and I have this thing. When we go out together we stop at every single jewellery display to have a look. It's been our thing since the day I could walk and nothing much has changed since. I enjoy looking at jewellery, marvelling at all the different shapes and forms and gasping over the prices. Maybe it's a girl thing? Dunno. Hubby didn't seem too impressed by all the glittering diamonds, sparkling silver, polished platinum and the overload of gold.

In the end one jewellery shop was all it took. A well-known Hong Kong brand. It was our first choice and it was the right one too. It did take at least 25 rings before I found the one that I wanted and I would have never founded it if it hadn't been for the lovely shop assistant, who made every effort to help me find a suitable ring. Refreshingly she wasn't after simply selling us a ring but knew what she was talking about when she presented one ring after the other to me. Whenever I turned one down she took a moment to consider why and presented me with a slightly different one up until I found the very ring I fell for.

喜欢吗?
Do you like it?

The fish asked when my final choice finally adorned the third finger of my left hand.

喜欢.
I like it.

I nodded vigorously, while letting the diamond catch stray rays of light. I'd never seen anything sparkle quite as bright. Well I had, in movies and all, but this was different. This was an actual diamond and it was mine.

那就好.
That's good.

He smiled and left me in the care of the shop assistant while he went off to have the ring resized, polished (although I don't think there was anything to polish), and properly valued. I had about four cups of Chinese tea and a lovely chat with all the shopping assistants (they were very amused by my Mandarin but the best part was that I understood them and they understood me) while I waited for the fish to come back. An interesting experience to say the least.

When he finally came back, -with the ring-, he took it out of the box and stuck it on my finger. The comment that followed, still has me laughing. "There, now that is sorted as well."

Ah yes, the annoying Western girlfriend that insists on an engagement ring to sweeten the deal. Naturally Chinese girls aren't that demanding or so my fish tries to tell me - not that I believe him.

Actually while I was waiting for my fish at the jeweller, a couple passed me by and the girl told her boyfriend that she wanted a ring. He didn't even look at the display of rings she'd pointed at, before he replied: "Buy it yourself."

Mean!

Mine.

Ever since the fish stuck said ring on my finger I've been pestering him to propose to me.

"Why on earth do you need me to propose to you? I already asked you a million times! I told you I want to make you my wife. You agreed. You have a ring. What more could you want?"

He did have a point, but being the stubborn woman that I am I wasn't about to admit that and let him have the upper hand. As it stands, the fish wins often enough, sometimes I just have to stick to my guns.


"I don't want much, just a proposal."

"Damnit woman, you drive me crazy."

"You too."

"Good."

"I love you."

"I love you too."


I spend the better part of a week reminding the fish that he hadn't proposed yet and even complained to his Xiongdi, his mum, his dad and everyone else who cared to listen. Strangely the fish remained composed, calm and collected through it all. He didn't even blink.

Only once he gave in and told me outright that he wasn't going to propose. That was met with much disapproval and I grovelled and pleaded but I got no where.

And then he did propose. I sort of figured he might but after he put so much effort into proving me that he wasn't going to do any such thing, I'd sort of given up hope. Instead I resolved to enjoy a fabulous Valentine's Day with my fish - the first ever I did not hate, but then it wasn't ruined by commercials, overpriced chocolate, flowers or any of the other non-sense you see in the Western world. In fact when we went out it seemed like it wasn't even Valentine's Day. There were no silly banners everywhere and I didn't hear any cheesy love songs, well not more than usual anyway.

We had a plain breakfast, together as a family (mum, dad, my fish and I) and then the fish and I went off to a nearby aquarium to look at some fish.

On the way to the aquarium I got these from my fish, 19 lovely red roses.

I'd asked him before and originally we'd planned to go to the one in Shanghai but we didn't have time. It was fun, even though the fish complained that this was a place for families with children. I gently reminded him that he likes to think of me as his child and he laughed. "True, you even need help posting a letter." He laughed and we continued and in hand, walking from one fish tank to the other. We both picked our favourite fish, watched seals perform a series of tricks and a couple of little penguins annoy their carer (they had fish on their minds while he had cleaning on his mind).

The fish likes this fish, no idea what it's called.

Hello cutie, I like you!

After our trip to the aquarium we went for a lovely Korean BBQ and the fish turned into an excellent chef. It was the best Korean BBQ, although the company may have made a big difference. It was a lovely meal and I was so enamoured by my fish that I almost choked on a big mouthful of kimchi. That stuff was so damn spicy I had tears running down my cheeks at some point.

With full stomachs and generally in a happy mood, we strolled through the shopping centre and then went off to buy a fish because if you date a fish and your fish takes you to look at fish on Valentine's Day, that's just what you do. Trust me!

My fish entrusted me with our new purchase and off home we went. The new fish joined the other fish in my fish's aquarium (yes, I realise this is quite a lot of fish) and then the fish attempted to nap a bit. Since I wasn't having any of that he resorted to feeding his fish some lettuce. We'd seen some of the tropical fish at the aquarium eat lettuce and the fish was convinced that his own fish would enjoy said treat as well. Sadly they didn't and point blank refused to cooperate and eat.

Feeding the fish!

Since the fish weren't cooperating, the fish turned his attention back to me and that's when I got my present, the proposal I'd been waiting for. There was no speech, no grand gesture and no big fuss. Just a simple question and an answer. Perfect. If I could go back in time, I wouldn't have it any other way.

I don't know if the fish planned this all along and the whole fish buying business / fish feeding was just an elaborate excuse to give him the opportunity to kneel down or if he made it up on the spot but he did give me a sweet surprise and the fact that he asked in front of his mum and dad was the sweetest part of all.

So yeah, I have a ring and I'm officially engaged. That fish is mine!

Chinese Love Notes: Handbags, Facemasks And Other Pleasures

I hadn't planned to kick my China tale off with this particular post but it really is as good as any. I'm still trying to sort through all the stories and adventures in my head to bring some sort of logic into it, though I'm not so sure trying to make sense of it all will actually work. Also, I really can't decide where to start, there's so much to tell and so little time to write. Particularly because I've picked up a new hobby. It's called sleeping. I tell you 10 hours plus of sleep is absolutely delightful, just thinking about it makes me want to stop writing and go to bed, which is strange because the writer in me has always picked writing over sleep. It seems that habits do change. Occasionally.

Here's a thought. I may as well ditch all the China stories and just write about sleeping...

Enough of the sarcasm and back to the actual subject of this post. In my previous posts I've often mentioned how different my fish and I actually are. My fish is Chinese through and through, he's never been abroad (unless you count Hong Kong), he doesn't speak much English (though he's trying very hard to change that) and he's never had a foreign girlfriend before, let alone a foreign friend. He has friends who went abroad to study, etc. but that's about it.

I on the other hand have a slight advantage over him. I've met a lot of Chinese people through my Mandarin studies and I've had the chance to learn some interesting aspects of the culture though there are many things that I still don't understand. There's only so much reading you can do, some things you need to actually experience for them to make sense.

More often than not the fish is trying to make sense of me and failing miserably (I think) but that may be because I sometimes can't even make sense of myself. I feel the same way though. The fish will often do something or say something that leaves me wondering what the heck is going on.

Strangely enough we don't get frustrated about all of our differences, well maybe a little bit, but that's perfectly normal for any couple. Sure we quarrel, in fact if I was to tell you that we don't you'd stop reading this post right about now. My fish and I quarrel about everything and nothing. Most of the time we're like an old married couple and my parents-in-law consider us both to be more entertaining than the television. I guess that's a compliment? They've never seen their son quarrel with a girl. I'm the first girlfriend he's ever bothered to bring home so they find it quite entertaining. Mind you, if we were to have an actual shouting match complete with throwing things and all they probably wouldn't find that entertaining and I'm dead-certain that my mother-in-law would intervene. The things the fish and I bicker about are quite entertaining though, in hindsight away.

I have given out to my fish more than once for giving me about three minutes notice to let me know we were going out to meet family/friends/acquaintances for dinner. The first time he gave me a baffled look and said: "But you're beautiful just the way you are, what do you want to change?" Aww, how sweet, thank you very much, but in case it slipped your mind, I'm a woman.

When I continued to insist on a change of clothes and a little bit of make-up, he groaned and mumbled something about me being that kind of woman (I don't really know what he meant by that but I'm convinced it was yet another compliment.) before wandering off for a smoke. The next time we went out, he graciously gave me 15 minutes notice and I gave him a snog for his consideration. He certainly appreciated that! I think... ;-) You see, if you get you have to give.

So how do the fish and I cope with being different on just about every level?

We compromise! It's that easy...or not. Admittedly, more often than not I end up making the first compromise before my fish relents and changes his ways but I don't mind that. One thing my fish really cares about is that I learn as much as possible about Chinese culture and if making a couple of compromises here and there make him happy and help me to archive that goal then so be it. One thing I love about my fish's character is that it's never "No, it's either my way or no way.". He will actually listen to what I have to say and try to understand where I come from. Sometimes that may be a difficult because our cultures are a million miles apart but you've got to give a guy credit for trying!

It's one trait I value above all. Despite having been set in his ways, with no-one forcing him to change, for all his life, he's willing to look at things from a different angle. "You influence me," he once told me quietly with a thoughtful look in his eyes while strolling through the People's Park in Shanghai, holding hands. Those three words were almost as sweet to hear as "I love you". To have someone say that to you, to hear them outright admit that you're leaving an impression on them, changing them a little. There ain't nothing sweeter.

But let me explain explain. Most young couples in China don't seem to hold hands, even in big cities. More often than not you will see the girl holding on to her man's arm. You do see couples holding hands but it's more of an exception to the rule. I like holding on to my fish's arm too but I like holding my fish's hand more. You know, skin on skin and all.

I once asked the fish whether he'd ever planned to date a foreign girl when we first started talking/met or whether us falling in love did just happen. He didn't, though he likes to tease me and tell me that he wishes he could have known in advance that we Western ladies are so very difficult (I honestly don't know what he's talking about, I'm very easy to handle thank you very much!). I like to remind him that he doesn't have any experience with Western ladies, that he's only ever dated one Western lady and since he has already decided to marry said Western lady he won't be getting the chance to try out any other Western ladies.

When I said that, he pulled a face, gave me a puppy dog eyes and said: "I thought you'll let me go out and play when we go to Germany to visit your dad." I tell you the fish's humour is his best asset. And his worst. He manages to fool me each and every time. He will tell me some ridiculous story about something that doesn't even exist/makes sense but he makes it so damn believable that I fall for it every time and only realise I've been fooled when everyone around us starts laughing. It's just little things, mind you, my fish isn't the type of guy who jokes about things that matter, which again I really appreciate.

You want flowers? Okay, no problem. (His favourite English sentence, by the way. The "Okay, no problem." part, I mean.)

I picked out my top three favourite fish traits for this post and I'm going to sweeten them with some hopefully amusing stories to give you a laugh or two. Three?

1) Attentiveness.

Finally, warm hands! No, the fish's not laughing about my hand warmer, he's winning at Mah-jong, which is a bit of a miracle because he's playing against his grandpa.

This is one thing truly heart about the fish and have from day one. It's really just a lot of little things the fish does that show me he does listen to what I say, even if he claims not to. He's a man after all. He therefore likes to tell me that not listening to women is just what men do. If I didn't know any better, I would actually doubt whether my fish is a man.

His attentiveness ranges from simple things like handing me my jacket (he did try to open the car door for me but I'm not used to this so I got out faster than my fish could get around the car, which left him disgruntled and me laughing) or grabbing my handbag on the way out (be that home or a restaurant or a family member's house).

When we go out for food he makes sure to order things I will actually eat and if someone else is ordering, he will tell them to order some things I like or that he knows I will try. Let's not count the one time he tried to get me to eat a fish's eye, let's just say that didn't go down so well, much to the amusement of my family-in-law. The fish always - without fail - makes sure that I have a bowl of rice to eat and hot water or tea to drink. When I struggle with my chopsticks (I absolutely despise short chopsticks, especially those single use ones, and just can't handle them, well I can but it's awkward) he gives me a helping hand as though it's second nature to him. He even picks out pieces of fish for me and checks that there's no bones in them because he knows I'm terrified of swallowing one. There's no frown, no grumbling or snapping, he just does it. When I'm cold he gets me a hot cup of water, a hand warmer, puts the air-con on, finds a heater or gives me a big hug...whatever will sweeten the deal.

He will tell me to get some sleep or have a nap, not because he has enough of me but because he can see I'm tired and that the rest would do me good. Hell, he even insisted that we go to the hospital for an IV, and the shielded me from prying eyes, when I woke up as sick as a dog one morning but more about that in a separate post. In the true spirit of "You Aren't Accustomed To China Air" he checks the level of PM2.5 several times every day (and then vents about the "fog") to make sure going out will be enjoyable and not followed by a two-hour coughing fit. At one point (see photo below) that meant handing me face-mask. I was stunned by the fact that he'd even thought of buying one, I certainly hadn't even though I'd planned to. If that ain't love, people, well then I don't know.

Tasty China Air.

2) What's mine is yours and a strange conversation.

His attentiveness is by no means one-sided though, which leads me right to another pretty cool fish trait. I do my part too. I grab his bag (no that's not the only thing I do) on the way out of the car or carry it when he's busy doing something else. It means that he doesn't have to worry about it because he knows I'll take care of it. Also, I figure it's only fair since I usually hand my handbag over to him "for safe-keeping".

I have to say (and don't kill me for this), I love the fact that my Chinese boyfriend carries a bag with him. It is handy, stylish and not at all girlish or gay. I really don't get what all the fuss is about and why some people are so vehemently against it. Hell, my dad carries a bag with him and he's 85! My fish carrying a bag also means that I can just put a couple of my things into my fish's bag and don't even need to bother to bring my own handbag. In return for letting me rent his bag, I will, like I said, carry/mind it just like he minds mine, though it took a while before my fish agreed to this. It was only after I insisted that his bag could also be a sporty woman's handbag that he agreed to let me carry it. The first time I walked off with it, he had a big frown on his face and was convinced everyone was whispering about that unmannered young man who needs his girlfriend to carry his bag.

To distract him I took his hand and we continued to walk to the subway station. Two minutes later the fish had forgotten all about me carrying his bag and was doubled over laughing about a woman on an e-bike who had crashed into a fruit supermarket's fruit display because she was too busy staring at that Chinese guy holding his Laowai girlfriend's hand. I must admit, I laughed too. The fact that she was staring at us was just so damn obvious and yes I know it's mean to laugh but the woman was fine, nothing happened to her, the e-bike or any of the fruits for that matter.

This was also the first time ever that the fish actually realised that a Chinese guy dating a Western girl isn't really a common sight. I'd been complaining to him about all the stares we were getting and he politely told me to stop imagining things. Once he noticed for himself, I was subjected to a three hour quiz on why Western women don't appear to like dating Chinese men and if there was something wrong with Chinese men. Bless the fish's little heart! 

When I mentioned that some women may think Chinese/Asian men aren't man enough in the bedroom department, the fish looked outraged. With his male pride so blatantly put into question he bluntly asked: "Are you saying I'm not adequate enough?" I may be paraphrasing here. ;-)

Of course I was implying no such thing and after a lot of reassuring and a couple of distracting kisses, the fish relented and forgot all about it. About an hour later, he suddenly and completely out of the blue piped up: "I'll have you know, we Chinese are very good in bed." His determined face still has me in stitches when I think about it.

The fish's stance on cross-cultural dating is pretty simple, it's not a big deal for him. He told me many times that love doesn't care about gender, race, sex or anything else for that matter and his statement couldn't be more true. I think in the West we make a much bigger deal out of this whole cross-cultural dating than there actually is. We spend so much time pointing out differences and finding reasons why some cross-cultural relationships are not as common as others that it almost takes the fun out of it. Just enjoy the ride, be ready to change and embrace the unique chance to experience something different. That's how the fish sees it and I find myself agreeing with him.

None of my fish's family, his friends or any family friends we visited batted an eyelid about the fact that the girl the family's only son's brought home for Chinese New Year is not a slim, pretty Chinese girl with brown eyes and long, black hair who knows her way around a Chinese kitchen and doesn't question Chinese culture and traditions. They were more enamoured by the fact that I speak and understand Mandarin and many of the questions I was asked were directed to test my Mandarin and talk about possible ways for me to continue to improve my Mandarin.

Fish Quote: "There are two women in his world I love above else: My wife and my mother."

The mention of the fish's family brings me to another interesting aspect of what's mine is yours. From day one my fish's mum was my mum, his dad my dad and so on and so forth. I was made part of the family so quick and so lovingly that it felt like I'd always been there. It was the warmest and best welcome I have ever received apart from the welcome I receive from my dad whenever I come home. I doubt this will ever change. Everyone in the fish's family is very busy so they mostly only manage to get together for Chinese New Year, and it's always a very happy occasion. This is also the reason why I cancelled my plans to travel to Beijing and told the fish not to bother to take me to Chengdu. This is also why we stayed in Wuhan up until I had to return back to Ireland. The fish hadn't seen his dad in nearly four years and I didn't have the heart to break them apart.


3) Chinese family customs...sort of.

It's kind of odd when you're a couple and you hang out with your boyfriend's parents all of the time but you get used to it pretty quickly. Also, it's damn cool when you fool around and do some sit ups for the fun of it and then your mother-in-law suddenly joins in, followed by your father-in-law who naturally tries to outdo his wife and daughter-in-law. The fish really didn't want to do any sit-ups, or push-ups for that matter, but the three of us ganged up on him until he didn't have a choice. Filial piety and all. I kid. It was a fun evening. It's also fun when your parents-in-law laugh about you quarrelling with your future husband and two hours later, in the middle of the supermarket, you get to pay them back because they're having a stupid quarrel about breakfast buns of all things.

My other boyfriend.

I wouldn't want to change a thing about this. I've always wanted a big family and with my Chinese family I have just that. There are so many uncles and aunts, cousins (brothers and sisters) and little folk plus a couple of pets, that there's never a dull moment. We took my fish's grandpa to a KTV bar and my mother-in-law danced Gangnam Style, followed by my father-in-law singing a classic Mongolian song that almost moved me to tears. Young and old, all together having fun. To finish it all off my fish dedicated a love song - aptly titled "I love you" (喜歡你) - to me and that in front of his entire family. Yes, this is the same man who claims that he's very shy. I have a very special blog post in the pipeline to refute that.

Of course my fish and I also wanted time alone together, me probably more so than the fish. He was far too ecstatic about all the family finally being together again and I don't blame him. It took a while getting used to but looking back I wouldn't want to change a thing. We did get some time alone in the evenings and whenever we went out for a date or two, I probably just need to get used to the fact that I really can give out to my fish in front of his parents without them suddenly taking his side. Privileges of a future wife I guess... 

My handyman hard at work. My dad is impressed, it was actually his first question. "Does your boyfriend know what a screwdriver is?"